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Right. Well, you asked for it.

First off, you need the right balloons. You can't use modelling balloons that come in a kit that contains 15 balloons, a squeezy-ball pump and an instruction book made out of a folded piece of A5 which begins "You may use all of the balloons in this pack to make the first (simple) model". You need good quality latex things - which, to me at least, means Qualatex. In the UK, though, this poses a slight problem because Qualatex don't deal direct with the public, and the last time I asked them to give me the name of a supplier, they couldn't. Try phoning up local magic shops, or balloon artists, or things like that; I know the magic shop in the Gateshead Metro Centre had a bag last weekend, and there's a place in Hereford that has some, from time to time. You could always try to buy them online, of course. The least said about that, the better.

Anyway, the type you want are 260s. That means that they are 2 inches wide and 60 inches long when inflated. You might think that 60 inches is a lot for a dog, and you might be right, but those 60 inches can vanish very quickly indeed. You can get 160s and 360s, and really prettily coloured ones if you know where to look, but for modelling 260s are the easiest to get to grips with.

A little bit of terminology here. I call the top of the balloon the bit where you inflate it and tie it off. The bottom is the bit that gets inflated. Make sense? Good.

Next up, inflating them. Heh.
The instructions on the bag say do not inflate by mouth, or somesuch. They recommend that you only inflate modelling balloons using a suitable pump. Well, they might have a point here. Latex balloons are damn near impossible to inflate using lung-power without a lot of practice, and most people can't practice that much (if you smoke, forget it). In fact, at a wedding not so long ago I handed out some balloons. 2 weeks later I got a text message from someone I'd never heard of before saying "It took 2 weeks to blow up, what the hell do I do now?" Once I'd worked out what on earth this related to, the balloon had probably deflated anyway...
So, have a go at blowing them up - like you would a normal balloon - with your mouth, but don't feel any shame in using a pump. Wuss.

For what we're looking at today, inflate the balloon between 1/2 and 2/3rds full, and tie off the end.

That *ahem* dangly bit at the end is there so that any air that you squeeze into the balloon as you're twisting it has somewhere to go.

When you've tied it off, give the bottom end a squeeze so that the bit you've just tied off fills up completely with as much air as possible.

Ok, you have about 30 inches of inflated balloon. Now what to do with it? Ok, a bit more terminology, then. A bubble is a twisted bit of the balloon. So if you take the balloon and make a clockwise twist in it - go on, it won't break - about 2 inches from the top end, you have just made a 2 inch bubble.

Now, twisting bubbles. Always - always always always - twist your bubbles in the same direction. If you alternate, you'll undo the last bubble you made. So, if you make a string of bubbles - like we will in a minute - if you twist one CW and the next CCW you'll undo the first one. Habitually, I always twist them CW.

Now, imagine that first bubble you did is the nose. Hold the nose in one hand and the rest of the balloon in the other. With the hand holding the nose, pinch the balloon about an inch down from the nose and twist, so now you have the nose and one ear.

Next, bend the nose & the ear around the "body", like this.
This will then form the nose and both ears. Note how the hand is holding the bubbles steady - you might want to practice this because it comes in very useful as you get better at this.

Ok, so you bend the ear around & twist the ears together. You do this by twisting the first twist you made (ie, between the nose & the ear) with the rest of the balloon, about an inch away from the last twist you made. Confused yet? Good. Try pinching the balloon together between where my thumb & middle finger is, and twist.

Just as a quick aside, the animal I'm making here is a dog. Yeah, I know, everyone makes dogs. It's a fairly good dog, though, because it can stand up unaided. Some people call these dogs "poodles", which is, after all, pretty descriptive, but they're obviously better than other dogs because of their unique ability to act sober. Poodles also make very good pregnant animals, which I may cover in a future lesson.

Tah Dah! You have just finished the head. It should look something like: